Amazon Alexa really fucking creepy

Dimwits pay to have surveillance tools of would-be oppressors installed in their homes

Legions of fuckwits have willingly installed the insidious tools of would-be despots into their homes, The Trashy has found.

Sales of Amazon’s Alexa and Google’s Home – sinister surveillance devices posing as dumb assistants – have outstripped even the expectations of the companies themselves.

Google, which has been buying up artificial intelligence companies with the enthusiasm of a tramp in a crack den, said it was “astounded by the naïveté and short-sightedness of so many people” before noting that the “breadth and depth of the vein of stupidity running through so many supposedly educated societies is exceptionally lucrative” and would be “mined accordingly”.

Tax-dodging behemoth Amazon said the devices were harmless and that it had “no intention of using the data to control society and turn it into a less fun version of The Matrix within this financial year”.

Vladimir Putin paused a session of thumb war with a silverback to tell The Trashy he had already hacked the data and found it “Too boring to be of consequence… what need have I of inane prattle of plebiscite? Far more fun to rig elections and disable nuclear power stations than listen to numbnuts’ opinions about  Great British Wank Off”.

Cambridge Analytica declined to comment.

George Orwell’s desiccated remains were livid at the development. “Did you even fucking read me?” he fumed.

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