Humanity hits record-breaking levels of bone-headedness
Planet Earth hit a new milestone this week when scientists confirmed they had detected the highest levels of stupid ever recorded.
Stupid, which is measured in units called dacres, hit 410 parts per million (400ppm) on Saturday.
Experts say the spike was caused when a wave of fuckwittery emanating from the US encountered a flare of numbskullery from the UK.
Professor Cassandra Cleverclogs from the Institute of Armageddon confirmed the figures. “The stupid is so powerful that entire populations have become docile and can be manipulated to do the bidding of whoever shouts loudest,” she said.
“We have entered the era of the Idiocene,” she added, sliding the barrel of a gun into her mouth.
Symptoms of stupidity include but are not limited to: slavish devotion to simplistic ideas, the rejection of critical thought, the urge to attack when questioned, fear of reasoned debate, short attention spans, incuriosity, and the desire to retrench among like-minded cretins.
Leonardo DiCaprio is reported to be so concerned he is making a documentary.
Al Gore has already booted up PowerPoint.
Weapons-grade smart-arse Stephen Hawking explained that the record levels of stupid would soon drop. “These levels cannot be sustained because poor decisions and fatal gaffes will lead to war, famine and disease. Humans will, in essence, cull themselves and, being diminished in number, will need re-engage their brains and live on their wits. Eventually, there will be another renaissance…”
The Trashy stopped taking notes at this point, it got bored and X Factor was about to start.