Woman in traffic jam regrets venti latte

Human bladder struggles to store 20 fluid ounces of milky coffee, woman finds.

Lisa Fleek (23) from Cardiff said she took to biting her steering wheel in a bid to hold back the wall of coffee threatening to breach her bladder.

“I only had a few miles to travel so I thought it would be OK to grab a coffee along the way,” explained Fleek from her hospital bed.

“But then I hit the traffic jam and the pressure began to build. At first I thought I could hold it because my perineum is as tight as a drum, but then it became more intense.”

Fleek put her windows down and turned up the radio to try to distract herself from the increasing need to pee. She began to talk to herself about the weather but to no avail.

Ten minutes later she broke out in a light sweat and began to gently cry. It was when the cramps and shivers gripped her and she began to hallucinate about porcelain that she noticed the Orangina bottle in the footwell of the passenger seat.  

“It was the only non porous container in the car,” she said. “Why do they make them with such narrow necks?”

But Fleek did not factor in the volume she had drunk nor the fact that her bladder was now more highly pressurised than the tyres on her Fiat Punto.

She unbuckled her belt and squatted on the seat. Fleek, manic now, did not notice the surprised stares of fellow drivers as she manoeuvred the bottle under her skirt. Yanking her knickers to one side she said a little prayer and let go.

Unfortunately for Fleek, the force of the stream was so powerful that she hit the roof and was immediately knocked unconscious.

It was only later that Fleek learned the cause of the accident that caused the jam. Melanie Thwaite (41) from Exeter, whose vindictive sat nav had grossly underestimated her journey time, had crashed when her bladder exploded after a grande caramel popcorn frappucino.

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