Your heart is a stone yet you have to emote desire for someone who you associate mainly with domestic drudgery and poorly wrapped fridge cheese
Flatpack king’s final wish was to be minced into meatballs and buried in a Sneürg
Vladimir Putin had Melania made from melted down Barbies and state-of-the-art spyware and has been using her to control The Donald since 1998
Crushing bores forego alcohol and ruin already very shitty January
Feet together, knees apart, RELAX! Everyone loves a smear test but there’s an etiquette you need to follow if you want to avoid scarring the nurse for life…
Awks! Turns out you’ve been wearing your diamond hat wrong all these years
Not sure whether you’re a primary caregiver? There are a few tell-tale signs.
Are you having fun yet? You better bloody had be, it’s New Year’s Eve and it’s the law.
They say you should never look a gift horse in the mouth but sometimes it would be preferable to ram your head up its ass rather than unwrap the thoughtless manure that’s coming your way this Christmas…
Penurious snowflakes had enough of this shit, decide to eat old people and kick start housing market
You’re a fucked up bunch, so The Trashy has employed the services of an agony aunt to help you get a grip
Frozen water drifts down from the sky causing a nation of simpletons to lose their tiny minds
You were tanked and everyone knows it, you can’t call in sick so you must ride out the world’s most…
Arriving at the office party is like waking up in Oz, a trippy, off-kilter place where everyone looks familiar, just a lot more disturbing and a lot less tolerable
Follow The Trashy’s top tips and keep the little suckers at arms-length during one of the most horrifying events in any parent’s calendar
Where’s the fun in that? Asks Barrington Quimsby-Naife, MP for Crutton-on-the-Hoof
Chirpy pocket survivalist Bear Grylls is in critical condition after attempting to endure a a night out in Hull
Recoil with horror at the fact Halloween’s come around yet again
Where should you sit? Get it wrong and you’ll want to stick spoons through your eyes and into your brain
Multi-Coloured Swap Shop star wheeled out of retirement to play Brexit hard ball and get best deal for Britain
Fun Daddy, DJ Dad, Doting Daddy, The Trashy’s dad taxonomy keeps on growing
I just need someone to shout me fitter, thinks lazy woman
‘If JK Rowling can do it…’ thinks 85% of the population, 65% of the time, all the time
Shiny teeth make life better, thinks woman with too much time on hands
Occupying pubs, sofas and terraces across the land, the behaviour of these soft-bellied creatures comes in a multitude of flavours. But fret not, The Trashy will guide you through…
Motherhood does strange things to heretofore perfectly sane people, making the school gate a minefield of strung out mothers on…
Humanity hits record-breaking levels of bone-headedness
Time to dig out those sexless knits and surgical tights
‘I coulda been a contender’ muttered Alison Thripp from the cereals aisle in Sainsburys, ‘I coulda been somebody’.
Thinking, breathing, homeostasis? There’s an app for that.
You’ve met the Covert Pervert, the Martyr and the Control Freak. Now shudder at the Garbo, the Foodie and the…
Part one of The Trashy’s Guide to Group Holidays: how not to kill each other
Human bladder struggles to store 20 fluid ounces of milky coffee, woman finds.
Apocalyptic scenes on the A30 as bad weather transforms the south western peninsula into a joyless hell hole.
Society abhors unattractive women, so pretty up!